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Still here, still smiling

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Week 4 in the Big Brother house and I haven’t hurt or killed anyone, or myself. Nor have I hidden in the toilets crying; unleashed a stream of profanities on anyone or barfed on the way to work.

So far so good.

One day at a time.

Meanwhile in the rest of the world news,  two political leaders with strange hair are having a cock-measuring contest with each other over Twitter causing me to lay awake at night wondering if I should start prepping. Panicking that my two camping stoves are currently in my sister’s shed in Manchester.

 

An online shop for water and tinned peaches, then converting the kitchen table into a Morrison Shelter could be the way forward.

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Extremists with no apparent agenda are trying to blow us up on public transport.  All they actually seemed to achieve though was that it’ll take more than a bucket of fairy lights in a Lidl bag to stop London from moving.

Hurricane season has washed or blown away several islands and displaced hundreds of people. Mexico has fallen down, and the world watched on all forms of media as they tried to rescue a child, who didn’t exist, from a collapsed school!

All is not totally lost though.  Contrary to what many people, including myself, first thought – ‘The Great British Bake Off‘ isn’t completely hideous now that Bezza, Mel & Sue have left.
It’s pudding week tonight so I am about to watch and play along as I pair up some cold milk with a packet of Instant Whip.

Piece of piss Paul Hollywood.

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Ciao Tutti Xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Let’s go round again…

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Well it’s almost time to begin a new academic year.

It doesn’t seem that long since last September and the last academic year. But what a year it’s been.  Going in all cylinders blazing last September, ready to take on the system. Lead my new, (albeit smaller) but fabulous little team.  Ready to jump in at a moments notice to impart knowledge and wisdom with a smile and pocket full of amazing lesson plans.

Yeah. That lasted til Spring and then it all went west side.

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Patrick

Me, from March to June in my kitchen

 

Until recently when I no longer felt like that, I hadn’t really realised how low and off-kilter I actually felt.  Let’s not go there again if we can possibly help it.

My philosophy at this juncture can probably best be summed up by this meme:-

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Am I right?

🙂

There will always be plenty of people having a shittier day than you, which is crap (for them) but a silver lining on your own grey cloud. That’s as good as it’s probably going to get for most of us – and that’s okay.

So before I return to the coal face and my optimism and enthusiasm die a fiery death wane within weeks, I’d like to celebrate the great things that happened this year and the people who stopped me from totally losing my mind. The ones who sent me notes, hunted for spooks with me for fun; sent me memes, love tokens; not always helpful but somehow amusing texts; sent me jigsaws in the post. And thanks to my husband who, despite his usually unsympathetic nature and poor inference skills, managed to be kind, thoughtful and not get annoyed when I didn’t appear to have moved for hours.  Also my Childerbeast for not freaking out at their mother freaking out.

Naturally I have to summarise in pictorial form because , as my childerbeast told me recently, “Mum, you photograph everything”  Good job really. Then I can look back at images like these, on the days when everything seems pointless, and I’ll remember that it’s not.

In the words of my childerbeast…. “Blessed”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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So back to school tomorrow.  I am going in this year with no expectations. That way I can’t be disappointed or annoyed. I’ll go in. Do my thing. Hope for the best and then come home, sleep, then go back the next day and try again.

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Bring it on Booms!  We can do this.

 

And to end a perfect summer holiday of sun, treating myself to a new vacuum cleaner (small pleasures) visits with friends, festivalling, glitter and music – my parents dropped by today for an impromptu visit.

Good times.

😀

Life (today anyway) is good.  Not always. Not for everyone. But today, it’s alright for me & mine, & that’ll do.

Ciao MoFos

Xxxx

 

Back in the game

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Today was the start of my phased return to work.  Just an hour a day for this week and then building up eventually to full days.

Baby steps.

Had to have a return to work risk assessment meeting today with some form-filling. Presumably to clarify that I wasn’t going to sit in the book corner wearing a tin foil hat and babbling about voices like the Son of Sam killer.

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I came home and did a mammoth work out on my step and my other gizmo. Health Health Health.
    I’m not bothered so much about being slim and svelte. I’d rather be firmed up and strong.  Like Sarah Connor in Terminator 2. \

She rocks!

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Always best to be prepared for the artificial intelligence uprising. (It’ll start with those Alexa, Echo gizmos, you mark my words!)  Or a zombie invasion. Whichever… Although I went to the post office this afternoon and it’s quite possible that the zombie apocalypse has already begun and we just haven’t noticed yet.  The irony of the song ‘Across 110th Street’ by Bobby Womack, on my MP3 was not lost on me as I was stood in the queue with the toothless and unkempt of the neighbourhood.  (FYI Bman, ‘Across 110th Street’ is nothing to do with, “that film about Father Christmas” – I think you’ll find that is ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ – FFS!)

Easy to be this positive on day one though.  I may go to pieces again before the week’s out.

Ciao Tutti
Xx

 

Back in the game

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Last bus home on Tuesday from Leeds was uneventful in the end to say the least.  No pissed-up olds with wet underwear in their handbags cackling away or dancing in the aisles.  Disappointing really.

    I about coped with the crowds of other Micky Flanagan fans at the Leeds Arena, many of whom had clearly been propping up the bar in ‘Spoons since teatime.  Micky was very funny and I shall not be able to eat an iced Chelsea bun again without a smirk on my face.

Sadly, mingling with the masses seems to have brought on a cold.  Lovely.  Snotty tissues and lemsips all round.

I did manage to venture to Manc on Thursday for a surprise meet up with the Fam at Altrincham Markets at lunchtime.  Thought I ought to make the most of an opportunity to do that kind of thing while I am still off work, particularly as my time in the arena of the unwell is coming to an end.  Discussed with doctor on Friday and I will officially be fit for work on a phased return from the 5th June! I’ve had no further counselling but think I could maybe do with some more.  I need to arrange a new person to see though I think.  My usual lady lives out in the sticks so I’m limited to when Bman can drive me and hang around waiting. When I emailed her to say I couldn’t make it it the other week, I got no reply whatsoever and have heard nothing since.  I could be swinging from the ceiling or crumpled on the bathroom floor in a pile of my own chunder clutching an empty bottle of paracetamol for all she knows!

Today I’ve had a meeting with my boss to organise a phased return to work timetable.  It looks fair enough on paper but I guess only time will tell how it will work in reality.  Everyone at work is being very supportive – possibly out of fear that I’ll either flid out again, burst into tears or I’ll go postal & start taking potshots at people from the school roof like a proper loon.
But hey, at least I didn’t get my meds at the local chemist and realise that the pharmacist was a parent from school or anything… oh hang on!
FFS!
Could’ve been worse I suppose.  I could’ve been collecting Methadone or genital wart cream or something rather than just ‘anxiety’ tablets.

😀

My youngest is at a Wheatus gig tonight & then sleeping out at her friend’s – on a school night no less (because she’s just a teenage dirtbag baby).  Naturally I will be unable to sleep until I know she is home, so she better not forget to text me.

Ciao Tutti

Xx

High 5 yourself if you’re still alive after 2016

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So it’s the final day of the year 2016 and time for my annual review.

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Essentially, in the words often used in our house, when we were kids, when providing a synopsis of a film plot – “Everybody died”.  The day is still young so there is still time for Death to pull more names from his hat of finality.  This year has seen him taking rather too many for my liking.  For now though at least, I am still here and so are my nearest and dearest, which is what matters.

Despite the celebrity death toll, 2016 hasn’t been completely unfortunate for me.  I  have survived a cull of a different kind at work (for now at least), which saw other friends sadly fall by the wayside. My role has changed. It’s busier and often more stressful but do you know what? I still have a job and in these harsh times, I am grateful for that.

We have a new Prime Minister. Brexit happened – sort of – not yet – who knows when that shit will get sorted out!  There’s a new & controversial President of the USA. We lost British Homes Stores and it looks as though we lost Bea Smith on Wentworth too.

😦

Socially I have reconnected with old friends not seen for many years, and that has been a highlight for me and reassuring to know that after all these years, they are still cheeky, lovable cunts. I may not have a massive circle of friends and I may not go out all that often, but I love the friends I do have.  I have even been asked to perform 2 marriage ceremonies for 2 different friends in 2017!

:-D

I have spent quality time with my girlies. My youngest is now in High School.  We’ve done a festival with my sibs.  I finally visited Brighton after threatening it for years. Had a great family holiday to Tenerife.  I have a new niece in Liverpool.  Bman and I have managed another year of not killing one another. We have a new kitchen (and another cat to shit in it). 

What’s next for 2017?  

     Investigating a haunted house next week.  Hooking up with old friends again in Bishop’s Stortford in March. A family holiday to Florida in April. A mum & girlies week in Tenerife at the end of July.  A return to Shambala festival in August and two weddings to officiate.  Also hoping to do Brighton Pt2 – The Return of the killer hangover, and get to see the lovely ‘Crap Possee Official’ at some stage, because it’s been far too long.  Looking forward to a Cards Against Humanity rematch including Bman, my brother & his girlfriend.  If only to see if we can possibly top my bro-in-law whispering the words, “erm, it’s dick cheese Paul” to my dad.

Priceless.

What could go wrong?

So, to summarize, in traditional picture form:-

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ds

ten

sunbathing

Essentially how I have felt all year!

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Baby Alan Lickman

 

 

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Big fat Alan Lickman – in festive attire

 

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Remember to trust your cunt in 2017!

 

 

Stay alive y’all. Be happy. Don’t take any shit. Brush your teeth. Try not to be too much of an asshole and remember that a little bit of what you fancy does you good.

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Is it Halloween yet?

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So, how’s it going on the old positivity scale since my return to the coalface?

Well. Week 3 and I already feel like a shell of my summer holiday relaxed and calm self. A costume of a woman with a grimace of a smile dripping off my face at a rate of knots.  Nursery one minute, changing pants and the next I’m discussing the meaning of life (it’s 42 BTW) with Upper Keystage 2.  I have to check my diary at every changeover to check that I’m heading to the right class.

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Monies worth = out of me? Yes.  I think so.

The silver lining of this headwreck of a new role is that the extra wedge in my monthly pay means that I reckon I am good for paying for next year’s Griswold family jolly to WallyDisneyworld.  That’s if I’m not on a liver transplant waiting list from all the gin I may have to consume to get me through until then.

Meanwhile. On another topic.  Having had my IUD coil removed, my periods have started up again.  This is not good.  I’d forgotten how annoying they are and how much I want to eat chocolate in the lead up to all that.  This is playing havoc with my mission to shift 10kg of excess timber.  I may need to take up smoking again, or amphetamines or something.

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Pretty sure the Bman might overtake me on this weight loss gig as he’s been surviving on grout fumes and hard graft the past 2 weeks trying to finish off our new kitchen.  The kitchen we haven’t decided whether we like or not.  The worktop is already scratched.  The oven doesn’t match the rest. We’ve got a plumber coming out on Thursday to get to the bottom of the rank stench emanating from beneath the washing machine and the laminate floor still needs to be done and tiling to be finished.  He’s gone back to work this week for a rest!

I may blog some more in another 3 weeks if and when I can summon the energy.

Ciao for now dudes

Xx

Would it be ok if I just stayed in bed until August?

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i want to get off

Ever get that debilitating overwhelming sense that you have failed as a mother by becoming a mother in the first place? 

That every decision you’ve ever made has been somehow crap, wrong or downright stupid?  Do you catch your breath and almost sick up a bit in your mouth because the children you had (for your own selfish reasons) will have to one day leave you and fend for themselves in a world full of crazies, loons, idiots and fucktards – and that’s after you’ve subjected them to a flawed education system and screwed them up on all kinds of levels by exposing them to your own uselessness?

What have I done to my children by having them in the first place?

That nausea you feel on the way to the job that you now feel fraudulent at.  People there are under the deluded impression that you know what you’re doing.  That you are cleverer than you are.  They seek you out for advice you no longer (if you ever were) feel qualified to give.

Yeah….that!

😦

Have had a most relaxing week off this half term.  Been swimming, which always makes me feel better – nothing better than this for me:-

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But then I get back topside and start overthinking and I get this:-

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Common sense will eventually prevail:-

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Today though I just felt like I was not worthy to participate in the real world, and by real world I mean the closeted bubble I float around in.  Ended up hiding in the stock cupboard at one point and considering raiding the cache of children’s inhalers.  Managed to make it through first day back without freaking out but can’t vouch for being able to keep it together tomorrow when the punters are in!

Until my flipped out mind regains some sensible equilibrium I aim to focus on the fact that we have actually booked a holiday abroad for later in the year, where I hope to look and feel like this:-

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But to be honest, will probably be more like this:-

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pictures courtesy of google images